Do you want to raise a woman’s interest in you online? Playing hard to get is effective with women according to a study. That’s right when men back off and play it “cool,” women become more interested in men. A study published in Psychological Science found a woman will be more attracted to you when she’s uncertain about how much you like her. What this means if you want a woman to like you, never let on how much you’re interested in her. You want to establish you’re “hard to get” but still very interested in her. The women believed the experiment they were participating in was to see if Facebook could work as a dating site. The women were told male students would view their profile at other universities before the lab session. The women were then shown four men’s Facebook profiles that they thought to be real but were in fact fake.
Playing ‘hard to get’ really works and makes you ‘more sexually desirable’, study claims
I couldn’t believe how cool and collected and seemingly not interested the popular girls were in the guys who basically threw themselves at their feet. As I grew up I realized that playing hard to get isn’t cool, it’s manipulative. And it also perpetuates a lot of sexist thinking about women and furthers the divide between the genders needlessly.
If I like you, I’m going to tell you that I like you and hope that you will one day let me cup your balls. I won’t pretend I don’t.
It applies to just about everything, from dating to sales. When it comes to getting a girl attracted to you, playing hard to get is one of the most valuable tools you can employ. It creates the vibe that you are the kind of guy that has some pretty high standards. Sometimes, a girl will play hard to get just to see how persistent you are. The more value you project , the more interested a girl will be. They usually want to get to the finish line as quickly as possible, whether it be sex or a relationship.
This is a problem. A guy that lays his cards on the table too quickly, appears to have less value. A girl who gets a guy who she deems as having value, feels like she has increased her value as well. Girls do this all the time. Think about how many guys are sending messages to an attractive girl on their Instagram, and how many then get shut down.
One thing all guys should stop doing is idealizing relationships. Some of the healthiest relationships are the ones in which two people could easily sleep with other people, but actively choose not to.
Playing hard to get; a scientific appraisal
Maybe you’re the type who tends to take off first thing in the morning after a one-night stand, or who lies about your busy schedule in the week ahead, but doesn’t indulge your prospective partner with the details. When dating, single people often deploy tactics like these to avoid coming off as clingy or desperate. Playing hard to get, the theory goes, makes you seem far more attractive.
It might make you feel sly, but does that carefree attitude actually work to anyone’s benefit? For decades, psychologists have been studying if and why playing hard to get can make people attracted to you, and several studies may help explain the psychology behind why we sometimes desire people who make us work harder for their attention.
Making someone pursue you can do wonders to intensify their interest, but playing ‘hard to get’ effectively is more difficult than just acting.
No matter how attractive you are, how much money you make, or how well you’ve perfected your dating profile, dating can still feel like a game that’s nearly impossible to win. Unfortunately, that’s truer than ever when conventional wisdom dictates that the best way for a woman to land a great guy is to keep him on his toes by playing hard to get. Of course, that means you’ll frequently wonder how to tell if a girl is playing hard to get.
Unfortunately, the practice of playing hard to get is probably not going anywhere. In fact, researchers at the University of Virginia found that study subjects were more attracted to potential romantic partners who withheld the exact amount of their true affection than those who exhibited a keen interest in them. However, in real life, it’s often harder to tell when that perceived disinterest is the result of someone trying to entice you or trying to get you to leave them alone.
These signs for how to tell if a girl is playing hard to get may mean you can still score that date—if you don’t mind a little chase first. If a woman keeps saying no to your invitations to hang out, making it abundantly clear that her calendar is booked for the foreseeable future, take that as a sign she’s not interested and back off. However, if your requests to hang out are frequently met with “maybe” or “I’ll see what I can do,” she’s likely playing hard to get.
Playing hard to get is all about making yourself seem desirable , and having a party to attend every night does just that. Here’s a simple way to tell if a woman is playing hard to get or is not interested: If she doesn’t spend much time talking to you, but seems to mention you constantly when she’s in the presence of your friends, she might just be playing coy. If she’s talking about you to members of your inner circle, it means you’re definitely on her mind.
Online dating: Aim high, keep it brief, and be patient
Playing hard to get may seem pointless, but it’s not. When done correctly, it gives the relationship a bit of extra excitement. The problem with playing hard to get is that it backfires sometimes. Everyone has different limits, expectations and definitions of love. When you play hard to get, take into account the other person.
Physical attractiveness of the other person is also particularly influential in online dating research as the largest predictor of attraction (Glasser, Robnett, &.
Previous studies have suggested that uncertainty adds another romantic element and increases sexual desire , but Reis says his study shows the opposite is true. The findings are based on six studies. In one, 51 young women and 50 young men from a university in Israel, who identified themselves as single and heterosexual, were told they would be participating in an online chat with another participant in a different room. The participants had their pictures taken and told it would be shown to who they were chatting with.
The actual recipient of the picture was part of the research team. The scientists then showed the participants the same picture of someone of the opposite sex. At the end of the chat conversations, the scientists told the participants they could send one last message to their partner. They told some of the participants that their partner had also sent them a last message, and some that they had no messages. With that in mind, it seems the age-old strategy of playing hard-to-get may not be so wise after all.
Why Playing Hard To Get Is Effective With Women Online
The rules of dating have changed. Forget that stuff about playing hard to get, expecting the man to pay, and never having sex on a first date. Read on to discover the new rules of engagement. The writers are doing themselves no favours. Confidence is sexy; arrogance is not. The aim of the online dating game is to catch the eye of someone you have lots in common with.
Playing hard to get can be both an effective yet incredibly frustrating as a dating tactic. EliteSingles turned to science to try and better understand it.
We tend to like people who like us—a basic human trait that psychologists have termed “reciprocity of attraction. Yet, making the chase harder also has its advantages. So which one is the better strategy? A pair of researchers from the University of Rochester and the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya have spent the last few years studying the dynamics of human sexual attraction.
In a study , they found that when people feel greater certainty that a prospective romantic partner reciprocates their interest, they will put more effort into seeing that person again. Furthermore, they will even rate the possible date as more sexually attractive than they would if they were less certain about the prospective date’s romantic intentions. In that study, whether participants felt certain or uncertain about a prospective mate’s interest hinged on whether or not they received a follow-up message from their designated chat partner who, in reality, was a study insider.
But in a new study published this spring in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , the team now examined the effects playing hard to get, a mating strategy that is likely to instill a certain degree of uncertainty. The researchers discovered that making the chase harder increased a potential mate’s desirability. Birnbaum and Reis have collaborated for decades, ever since Birnbaum was a postdoctoral fellow in psychology at Rochester in —
Dating Games: Playing Hard-To-Get More Likely To Turn Off A Romantic Interest, Study Finds
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Subscriber Account active since. You will probably have heard this classic piece of dating advice thousands of times: Play hard to get. It’s a common belief that acting aloof and unavailable will drive someone crazy, and right into your arms. If you’re looking to attract men, this course of action is considered particularly effective. But if scientific research is anything to go by, it’s nonsense. In the s, a series of studies led by American psychologist Elaine Hatfield looked into whether playing hard to get really works.
Social psychologist Viren Swami highlights the findings in a blog post for Refinery In one study, male participants were told to phone up a woman who had been selected with a dating service and ask her out. Half the time, the woman would be busy and dismissive until finally accepting, and the other half of the time she would enthusiastically accept the invitation.
The men didn’t seem to prefer the women who had less free time. In fact, there was no evidence at all that playing hard to get made them more desirable. Of course, this was the result under experimental conditions. When a man decides to go after a woman who is rebuffing his advances, it may be more nuanced than the fact they like her unavailability.
Playing Hard to Get Is Effective, According to Psych Researchers
Playing hard to get is the oldest dating ‘trick’ in the book, for sure. Whether it works or not is a totally different question, because while some people might love the thrill of the chase, others just value honesty. Here, 16 guys explain what they’re really thinking when a woman they date plays “hard to get”.
Not all of them require the same level of attention, but from social media to dating apps to clubs, any public platform will show you how male.
We tend to like people who like us — a basic human trait that psychologists have termed “reciprocity of attraction. Yet, making the chase harder also has its upsides. Which one then is the better strategy for finding a partner? A team of researchers from the University of Rochester and the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya examined the effects of playing hard to get, a mating strategy that is likely to instill a certain degree of uncertainty.
In a new study, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , they show that making the chase harder increased a potential mate’s desirability. While playing hard to get is a common strategy used to attract mates, past research has been unclear about whether, and if so, why this strategy works — which this study sought to clear up. Of course, some are reluctant to employ this strategy, worrying that it’ll backfire and drive prospective partners away out of fear of being rejected.
Indeed, in previous research the duo had shown that those who feel greater certainty that a prospective romantic partner reciprocates their interest will put more effort into seeing that person again, while rating the possible date as more sexually attractive than they would if they were less certain about the prospective date’s romantic intentions. However, in their latest undertaking the team tested tactics across three interrelated studies, which gave the impression that potential partners were hard to get, signaling their “mate value” by being, for example, selective in their partner choices.
Playing hard to get might be a terrible idea if you actually like someone — here’s why
Jump to navigation. In essence, the rarer an object or experience is, the more desirable it becomes. Cialdini asserts that because the warring Capulet and Montague families hamper Romeo and Juliet from courting one and other , it actually encourages them to desire each other even more. As we all know, their ill-fated passion meets a tragic and fatal end. Albeit self-imposed, being coy with a prospective partner generally increases their fancy for being with you.
Over the last decade a substantial number of psychologists, behavioural scientists and sociologists have tried to get the bottom of why so many of us have either instigated or experienced a bout of playing hard to get.
13 Signs A Girl Likes You But Is Playing Hard To Get · 1. She doesn’t say ‘no’ · 2. She says she has a busy schedule · 3. She suggests date ideas.
I read with interest the Dating Secrets post Do the worlds of Match and eHarmony have that same rule? Or is online dating kind of one step beyond the “3-day rule,” when both parties are looking for love? I’ve only tried online dating once, briefly, and my experience was akin to many of those I’ve spoken to who have also ventured online: It was mixed. I spent enough time browsing profiles to garner this much info though: same rules apply.
Once we’ve taken the plunge to looking online it has to be a better crapshoot than a bar…. There’s never a reason to appear clingy, desperate, or over-eager; in fact, if you’re looking online the situation is so much more controlled that there is, in fact, no excuse for any of the above. Without being a jerk about it, being a little distant will always be a little sexy. You should time your emails, your responses, your winks, chats and what have you, in a way that leaves him guessing, and leaves you feeling in control if he’s any good at this, he’ll be doing the same.
3 Ways Attractive Women Play Hard To Get (That Make Men Super Interested)
Researchers from the University of Rochester and Centre Herzliya have examined the effects of playing hard to get, and claim that making the chase harder increases your desirability. That makes them seem less valuable and appealing than those who do not make their romantic interest apparent right away. In one experiment, participants interacted with people whose online dating profiles indicated that they were either hard to get or easy to attract.
The results found that profiles that were hard to get were more valued and seen as more desirable as a partner. Meanwhile, in another experiment, participants chatted to an insider via Instant Messenger. At the end, the participants were asked to leave one final message.
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Yet, making the chase harder also has its advantages. So which one is the better strategy? In a study , they found that when people feel greater certainty that a prospective romantic partner reciprocates their interest, they will put more effort into seeing that person again. Birnbaum and Reis have collaborated for decades, ever since Birnbaum was a postdoctoral fellow in psychology at Rochester in — While playing hard to get is a common strategy used to attract mates, Birnbaum and Reis found that past research has been unclear about whether, and if so, why this strategy works—questions they sought to address in the latest study.
The duo tested the hard-to-get tactic across three interrelated studies. Participants interacted with what they believed to be another research participant of the opposite sex, but who was in reality an insider—a member of the research team. So, how then do you reconcile these two approaches—playing hard to get on one hand and removing uncertainty on the other? Please consider downloading the latest version of Internet Explorer to experience this site as intended.